Asexuality: A Real Thing
“You’re just going through a phase,”
“You can’t reject your biology. What are you, abnormal?”
“You just haven’t found the right guy/girl yet,”
“You’re not asexual; you’re just jumping on the LGBTQ+ bandwagon to look cool,”
These are some of the things – on the decent side – that asexual people get to hear every day. Most people refuse to acknowledge that asexuality exists because everyone has urges, and you can’t possibly “defeat” biology. So, let’s start with explaining what asexuality is.
Asexuality is when someone is not attracted to people.
Demi-sexuality is when someone may experience sexual attraction but only after establishing a high level of emotional intimacy.
Grey-Asexuality is when someone does experience sexual attraction but infrequently.
There are asexual individuals who find themselves completely disgusted by sex. Some are fine talking about it but not actually engaging in the act, while some like the idea or theory of it but don’t practice it. People who enjoy sex but don’t crave or need it and can easily replace it with some other activity or who do it for someone they love despite being indifferent to it themselves. Others need a strong emotional bond to activate their sex drives, and no one has any right to invalidate their sexuality.
A person does not necessarily have to be celibate and wanting to have sex does not make you any “less” asexual. Thing is, asexuality is only about not feeling sexual attraction which is different from a sex drive. That’s it.
Many a time asexual people have to face denial by others who claim they are not really asexual, which may lead to harmful practices such as corrective rape, and dehumanization. People have been raped or coerced into having sex against their will because of their asexuality. Family members have tried to “fix” a person through sexual assault. This is a harmful consequence of the ideology that if a person hasn’t experienced something, how do they know they dislike it? Other times, people assume that asexual individuals must have been sexually abused. Asexuals are also told that they are different from the rest of the sex-crazed humanity and that there’s something wrong or unnatural about them. Many have been compared to plants.
Asexual people face discrimination just as much as homosexuals. Even people within the LGBT community are likely to discriminate against asexuals. According to a study conducted by Brock University, asexuals receive more hatred from both heterosexuals and other sexual minorities. While homosexuals face discrimination too, we cannot invalidate the denial and dehumanization asexuals have to face, either.
Asexual representation is required more in the media and literature because no one deserves to be alienated from society. No one should be forced to partake in any sexual activity to feel loved or important to their significant other.
There is absolutely nothing wrong about being asexual. So accept that, and move on with your business.
