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Disparity on the Stage

It isn't the same as rehearsals

The lights turned off and I knew this was my cue to go on stage for my monologue.

I got to my position and got into character. I tried to stand tall and proud, as great an individual as Shylock would stand but the fear was too much. I wasn’t sure if I had rehearsed enough to perform this monologue.

“Would I be able to pull this off?”

“Did I do enough practice?”

I was still battling these thoughts when the lights turned on and I knew it was now or never.

I started, “I am a Jew. Hath not a Jew eyes?”

 “Okay, it’s going well. It’s going well. No need to panic.” I thought to myself.

“Hath not a Jew hands,

organs, dimensions, senses, affections, passions;”

I took a moment of pause like my director had instructed. Okay I can do this. I can actually do this!

“fed with the same

food, hurt with the same weapons, subject to the same diseases,

heal’d by the same means, warm’d and cool’d by the same winter

and summer, as a C-C-C”

I stuttered.

“C-C-C”

I kept on stuttering. I couldn’t remember the word. I couldn’t remember the word to define this sect of people.

“Christ… Christmas…Chrost…Chritrans…” many words spiraled inside my head but none of them was the one I wanted.

While I sieved through my mind, I made the mistake of looking at the audience and to my distress; they were slowly losing interest in me. They rolled their eyes and their hands reached their pockets to grab their cell phones; I knew I had messed up.

That is when it entered.

It slowly entered the room, walking in the most dignified of manners taking its time to come to the stage and finally coming to a stop right in front of me, standing in a proud tall manner, it was in a jet black suit from with the biggest of smiles on its face.

“Christian is?”

I finally remembered and spoke out quite meekly, though that didn’t make it go away. It kept on staring at me, sucking the life right out of me.

“If you prick us, do we not bleed?”

It finally spoke: “It’s not baleed. It’s bleed. Learn the correct pronunciations. You sounded so stupid and ignorant. You don’t even know the pronunciations you should be ashamed.”

I tried to ignore his statement to my utter best and continued:

“If you tickle us, do we not laugh?”

It spoke once more, “Trying to ignore me are you, eh? Good try kiddo but I am not going anywhere. I’m here and I’ll always be here. You’ll never be getting rid of me.”

I gritted my teeth but kept my cool.

“If you poison us, do we not die?”

It laughed mockingly then said, “Who needs poison to die when you can die of embarrassment that you get from this play. If you could only see how badly you are doing. You should be ashamed of yourself for evens standing on that stage.” It remarked.

“And if you wrong us, do we not revenge?”

“AHHH shut up, would you? Look at all of them”, he said waving his arms at the audience. Look at how bored they are. Just give up and leave already.” he smirked slightly.

I refused to give into it.

“If we are like you in the rest,”

“Still resisting me huh? I wonder how long you can manage that child. After all…”

“we will resemble you in that.”

“I am you and you are me. I am Anxiety.”

I fainted on stage.

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