I grew up with the learned belief that a woman should never initiate a relationship and that the man should be the one to step up, take charge and be a leader when it comes to discussing anything remotely relationship related.
Ladies, we need to talk.
We’re leaning in. We’re climbing corporate ladders. We’re demanding equal pay and respect from catcallers.
We’re asking to be judged by the quality of our character, not by the length of our skirt or the number of guys we’ve slept with.
We’re progressing in wonderful ways, ways our foremothers would be so deeply proud of, ways our foremothers wouldn’t have even known needed changing.
But we still won’t ask our crushes out on dates.
Since when are we the type of women who sit and wait for what we want to come to us? Since when are we the type of women who linger passively on the sidelines and watch as life happens without us?
Since when are we the type of women to let men do things for us?
Too many women are hesitant to ask guys on dates, to give guys an inkling of their interest in them. And it’s upsetting and limiting to both us and to the dudes who want to date us.
We’re afraid of coming off as too assertive, too dominant or (the worst crime a woman can commit) not “mysterious” or “chase-able” enough. But if women start asking guys out on dates, it’ll become a more normal way of doing things, and all of these fears will become eradicated.
In other words, if we start asking men out, it’ll pave the way for future generations of women to do so, too – and, even more so, to feel good about it.
1. WE HAVE THE POWER TO CHANGE WHAT’S NORMAL.
Think of it like this: Just a few decades ago, it wasn’t “the norm” to have relationships exclusively meant for hooking up. It wasn’t “the norm” for a woman to live with a guy before she married him. It wasn’t “the norm” for a woman to be able to sleep with whomever she wanted and not feel shame for still wearing a white dress on her wedding day.
However, slowly but surely, women before us started doing all of these things with increasing frequency, and they became more normal.
If we work together once again by changing the norm so that it’s OK for women to ask men out, we can give women even more choices when it comes to sex, love, and relationships.
2. WHAT’S THE WORST THAT COULD HAPPEN?
The worst that could happen if you ask a guy out is he’ll say no. If he says no, know that dudes have been told “no” since the beginning of the establishment of dating social norms and that, like those dudes, you’ll be fine! I promise. Most importantly, know that rejection is not about you. There is nothing wrong with you. If you get rejected, that guy just wants something different, which means you don’t want to date him anyway because you’ll spend your whole relationship convincing him to want your brand of you. And that’s just exhausting.
3. GUYS WANT YOU TO.
Five out of five of the guys I just asked say they would love if a girl asked them on a date. If that doesn’t convince you, Cosmo cites a survey that determined that 95 percent of guys think it’s hot if a girl asks them out. And I agree. The pressure of asking a girl out is a burden that dudes would be happy to get rid of.
Plus, if you ask him out, it’ll stroke his ego in a way that’ll be flattering for him, which will probably lead to a “yes” for you.
4. WHAT IF HE’S TOO SHY TO MAKE A MOVE?
Guys need a little confidence, too – and if he’s a shy dude, he might never make a move.So, if you feel like you’re the more outgoing one between the two of you, take the burden off him and ask him out.
He’ll probably feel relieved someone else did the work for him.
5. KNOWING WHAT YOU WANT AND ACTING ON IT WILL MAKE YOU FEEL SEXY.
It sounds clichéd, but taking control of what you want is one of the most powerful things a woman can do. We’ve been doing it in our careers, in our homes and our everyday lives, so why not do it for our relationships?
This kind of confidence is sexy in an I-know-what-I-want-and-it’s-you kind of way, and it’ll make you feel more attractive for having felt this way toward somebody and acting on it.
6. YOU’LL STOP OVERANALYZING AND FINALLY GET ANSWERS.
If you keep overanalyzing his mixed signals, the best way to solidify an answer, either way, is to simply ask for one. If you ask him out, you’ll get a yes or a no, and then you’ll be freed from driving yourself crazy interpreting the number of question marks he put in his “What’s up??” text.
You’ll be able to get things started in a productive way or put the fantasies of your life with this guy to rest and move on to the next one.
7. THIS IS ABOUT YOU, TOO.
Dating is a two-way street. When a guy asks you out, he makes a decision to size you up, to see if you’re a good fit for him.
But wouldn’t it be awesome if you got to be the one to decide to size him up, to see if he’s a good fit for you?
Of course, that kind of mutual sizing-up would happen once you go on the date, but this would be a nice dynamic change that would make you feel powerful right from the start.
8. IF NOTHING ELSE, IT’S PRACTICE.
If you spend your entire life waiting patiently for people to give you what you want, you’ll be pretty unsatisfied. And having guts takes practice.
So, if all else fails, let this whole experience teach you a lesson in going for it. The next time you ask another guy out, it’ll be that much easier.