Nowadays, in this time of greater awareness and a more modern understanding of institutions such as marriage, more and more young people feel more empowered to make this choice themselves. Of course there is nothing wrong with getting to choose who you’ll spent he rest of your life with. In many ways this is actually more in tune with Islam and it’s laws.
Everyone should be given the freedom to make decisions such as who they’re marrying themselves, but sadly, even now, that might not be the reality for many Pakistanis, regardless of gender. Now, don”t get me wrong, arranged marriages are a huge part of our culture and tradition and in all honesty, are not always bad decisions.
But when they are done without keeping the bride and groom’s wishes in mind, that becomes a little problematic. One of the main reasons for this is because the two might not have had enough time to actually get to know each other and communicate properly because this is still considered taboo in our part of the world. Alternatively this issue of a lack of communication might still arise even if you married the love of your life.
So, how does one practice proper communication and overcome these inevitable but easily avoidable barriers in one’s relationship?
Well, the first step is always to admit that there is a problem and it is really important for both sides to identify the real issues. Relationships don’t work well if they’re one sided and issues can never be resolved if both parties do not commit to arguing or discussing only with the intention of making the relationship better.
If arguments become petty and irrelevant, eventually, so will your marriage.
Disagreements are a healthy part of any relationship because no two minds think alike. It’s perfectly normal to differ in opinions but what’s not acceptable is to degrade your significant other’s point of view. Rather, slowing down and actually taking out the time to listen to what they have to say is very important because that sets the tone of the rest of your relationship. If you go into an argument thinking you want to get back at them and “win”, then you’ll end up losing in the long run.
Here are a few pointers to help you overcome these disagreements;
Always be prepared to calmly listen to your SO and always be ready to explain your point of view equally calmly to them in return
Don’t make the argument about yourself!
Do not place the blame solely on them, remember, it takes two to tango.
Pick the right time and place for an argument. You don’t want to do this in a public place.
Do NOT engage in the “silent treatment” because that’s how you let toxic wounds fester in your relationships.
Never go into an argument with preconceived notions and assumptions. Be prepared to accept your mistakes too.
Always, always and always be 100% honest with each other.
Don’t do this over the phone! Face to face communication is key!
Keep your body language non aggressive and non condescending.
Be aware of their emotions but don’t afraid to share your own.
Do not engage in an argument when you are still heated up or hurt about something. It will only make things worse!
Always remember, that this argument is just for now but your relationship is for life.