Hygiene

Male Version

The following article contains strong words (as well as lots of cringes). Read at your own caution.

To shave or not to shave? That is the question.

Going bear or bare? (IYKWIM)

Would she like it clean or would she like it dirty?

These are just some of the questions that invade the minds of every adolescent to adult male when it comes to cleaning the “forest” above their “Willy Wonka’s”. It seems pretty easy to think about but many people waste hours upon hours just wondering whether they look better with or without their “underfur”.

Pakistan is a nation of people who consider it a taboo to speak about or even mention the terms associated with sex, and too ashamed to admit if they have a problem about it; the men are especially bad at piping up about health issues, especially when it comes to their “ding dongs”. Often, a source of embarrassment can be a simple lack of knowledge. Fortunately, it’s never too late to start to educate yourself and face yourself from the embarrassment you encounter when you go visit a doctor.

Graphic Images are not allowed hence use your imagination to replace yourself with the adorable baby.

To begin with, cleaning it. Let’s make one thing clear. Everything needs to clean. Including but not limited to all the parts under the waist and above your knees. If not done properly, well boy that is a sight you do not want to see. The tip of the “mountain” needs to clean daily with the rest of the “balloons”. Use a mild soap as these areas can be sensitive and wash off with water, gently.

Use water to wash  and be sure to scrub excessively.

Another important part of cleaning is examining the “Banana.” Testicular cancer is the most common cancer in young men. For this reason, every week you should examine both spheres by rolling the skin under them. The most common symptom is a lump of any size and if you feel any sort of anomaly, get an appointment immediately. (On a lighter note, most lumps down there are not cancer but if it does turn out for the worse this is one of the most easily treatable diseases so don’t panic. You should know your “Amazon” like the back of your hand.)

Thirdly and most importantly, be very careful when trimming the “bushes.” Many of us take pleasure in staying neat and tidy. There are no hard and fast rules about what to do here, but a sensible one is to exercise caution. Be especially careful when it gets too thick or it starts burning. You do not want to cut yourself and introduce harmful bacteria on your ego and pride. For instance, some diseases which can be caused by these bacteria include but are not purely limited to: cellulitis, abscesses or worse, Fournier’s gangrene (Googling not recommended).

Use Aromatherapy while bathing to achieve maximum enjoyment.

Lastly, when you have a problem and go to a doctor Do Not Use Slang. Do not use your overly hyperactive imagination to come with the most random of names to associate your “shrubby tree” with and keeping the doctors wondering if they are even following you. Knowing a small detail of anatomy helps so the next time when you notice something isn’t right, be confident and tell your doctor “straight up.”

We, humans, tend to take a lot of pride in our size. Cleaning it on a regular basis, making sure it hasn’t contracted any sort of infection and clearing the areas surrounding it are just some of the few ways to make sure that your “main course” looks pleasing to your future partner(s) and is also healthy for your own health. It all begins with water and ends with water.

Life is a constant series of cleaning up the last mess. ~  Jillian Lauren

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