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Last Goodbye

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I’ve said my last goodbye. Now someone get me outta here. I can’t stay here anymore. Believe me when I say that I do not belong here. I have to leave. Right. Now.

I’ve said these last goodbyes too many times now. It’s quite funny that I call them last goodbyes when I do this every month or so and then I get back together with him. Sometimes undeserved, sometimes well-deserved but I always ended up forgiving him. He’s just such a nice person. Or… at least he was.

Not this time though. This time he went too far, too far by cheating on me. This time he went too far by even committing that big of a sin that I shouldn’t ever forgive him but… but….

But why is it that I am being pulled towards him? What is so special about him that I just can’t leave? I know that he did wrong and I have the right to leave him and I can and I should but.. but.. but I CAN’T.

I do not understand these feelings that have begun to sprout inside my heart for him. I do not understand and I guess I never will. I know that I loved him but when I truly want to leave him, I never thought I’d be so weak that I’d be unable to. I have depended far too much on him and now I require his attention and him. Is this what this call a withdrawal symptom? Has he become such an addiction to me that I can’t bear survive without him?

I saw it in his eyes. He was seconds from destroying me. I had to get away. I just had to. But why is it that I am being pulled back? What sort of situation is this? He has committed such a big sin and I have the right to leave. Rather it is only justified that I leave him and even he’ll understand if my last goodbye this time truly meant the last goodbye but what is this uneasiness. What is this anxiety that I start to feel in my bones when I think about leaving him? Why is this? What is this?

Can’t take another lie but I still feel drawn to you. I want to leave and be on my own way. I want to part our ways and proceed onwards and forget about this but I can’t. For some reason, I am unable to.

Why… WHY… WHY is this happening to me?

Let me out. I can’t love you anymore. Let me, let me out. I don’t love you like before but why is it that the more times I say this wrong I feel. Am I just lying to myself?

Never felt so lonely even though you’re standing, next to me. I always feel so empty when you promise you won’t leave.

I run away so I can breathe but drawn to you, I shall be.

I don’t really know what I’m doing. All I know is I’m crashing down, on bare grounds face down.

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