On Death’s Door in Blindfold

Medicines don't cure me anymore

I do not understand what the doctor is saying…

I woke up, had jam and toast for breakfast then I grabbed my bag and left for school. Everything was going so normal then how could this have happened? How could I have ended up here?

Allow me to fill you in.

I was going to school like any other day when I fainted out due to a heat stroke. I had forgotten to take my medicine being heat sensitive and all but WHY am I lying down here on this white bed and listening to doctors saying such gibberish. My 5-year-old mind cannot understand what the doctor is trying to tell me. It’s going right over my head. My mom made me sign something but I do not understand what was written but it was so long. It was such a long piece of paper.

“Mom, why aren’t we going home?” I inquire to dead silence. My mom only stares at me with such dead eyes that have no light in them that I know I shouldn’t expect a response. What is wrong with her, I think to myself. Why did the doctors dress me in this white garb? What’s with them saying that I have to “stay” here? Who stays in a hospital? I thought people came here to be cured then went back. What is happening here?

“Mom, can’t we just get my medicine and go back home?” I inquire needlessly knowing I won’t be replied. My mom only replies with another dead stare. I give out a deep sigh not understanding what is happening here. I cannot grasp the situation at all. This is all so much. I have neither ever seen nor experienced this happening before.

Sure I have had to take medicine before when I got sick or when I got injured so what was the issue now?

Medications have always healed me so they should heal me even now, right?

Right?

RIGHT?

SO WHY ARE THEY SHAVING MY HAIR. HOW DARE THEY CUT MY BEAUTIFUL HAIR? WHY ARE THEY PUTTING ME IN SUCH WHITE CLOTHES? WHY IS MY MOM ALWAYS CRYING WHENEVER I SEE HER FROM THE CORNER OF MY EYE. WHAT IS HAPPENING HERE? WOULD SOMEBODY PLEASE EXPLAIN?

PLEASE.

If I’m dying, tell me.

I do not want to stay in the dark any longer.

I can’t look at my mom crying anymore.

Please, if you know anything.

Please. Just tell me.

During all these thoughts a nurse decides to drop in on me to check my vitals. I angrily throw my arm at her yet she grabs it with such softness I raise my eyebrow in suspicion but she only continues to slowly and silently check my pulse and scribbles something down. After that, I silently and obediently listen to all her commands and help her take all the rest of the readings.

After she is done she proceeds to leave before dropping a piece of paper on the ground. Out of curiosity I picked it up and I see that there’s a picture of me in the corner of that page with a red stamp that says:

Cancer.

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