People in Pakistan believe that your life is incomplete until you are married, and have children. While the restrictions and expectation don’t fall upon the male side, the females have been constricted with the idea of marriage for far too long. Some of the arguments are religious, and others can be correlated to culture, but the bottom line is:
we are far too obsessed with marrying off our children and it needs to stop.
Let’s begin with divorce. An argument quickly presented to us by our elders, is that this generation doesn’t really understand the sanctity of marriage, hence the rising divorce rates.
It is considered “sacrilegious” – for lack of better word – to seek divorce, because…according to Islamic scriptures, divorce is a means of displeasing God Almighty.
Plenty of religions frown down upon divorce, and a few do not allow it in the first place. Divorcees are considered “used goods” and not the first choice in eligible bachelors, or bachelorettes.
Here’s what they should consider: isn’t it better to divorce your spouse rather than stay in a relationship that is hurting, or causing unhappiness to the other party? Besides, if people marry with the intention of starting a new life with their better halves, what is the point of that marriage if it doesn’t contribute to the happiness of those two individuals?
If the foundation of your argument lies on the happiness of two people being joined together, then it’s time to reevaluate.
Women are forced to get married as soon as socially possible because the biological clock ticks faster in them then men. Females must give birth to as many children as possible before the ripe, old, age of thirty. What we don’t consider is one shocking aspect of marriage and giving birth to children that females all over the world consider,
“I don’t want to have kids.”
It’s as simple as that. Please, for the love of the universe, do not give reasons to counter this one, plain, yet assertive sentence. When women say they don’t want children, listen to them.
Do not make them feel as if popping out kids, keeping their husbands happy, raising them until you die, is their only purpose. Let them live for themselves, and make their own decisions.
The same women who claim to be exhausted and stressed out because of children are the ones who tell you how children will “complete you.” First, they will ensure you’re aware of all the sleepless nights, teaching them everything from holding a spoon to being a good person, spending all your money on them, never making any mistakes as parents god forbid, and getting your heartbroken by the same kids when they grow up, and desert them. After this much is established and you move on to say how you’ll be better off because you don’t want kids, they will gasp in horror and correct you.
What is even more infuriating is when they patronizingly laugh off your statements, and say,
“Oh, it’ll happen to you like it happens to everyone else, and you’ll have to go along with it.”
How about it not “happen,” because an invention called, birth control exists, which does not allow the conception of children to occur.
Point is, please learn to respect the other person’s boundaries when they have no desire to have children.
Telling people they’ll want to have children when they meet someone they love is also a ridiculous thing to do.
Now, coming back to marriages: an abusive relationship is not better than divorce, and it is the right of both parties involved to seek it in the court of law, so let’s not judge either person?
In Pakistan, marrying for love, is still not as it should be. The adults who are getting married are blamed if/when the marriage falls apart, and many take pleasure in saying, “We told you so.” There is absolutely nothing wrong with marrying or divorcing anyone, please drive that point home.
Furthermore, we are far too concerned with life before and after marriage. If there were things like wearing dark lipsticks you aren’t allowed to do before marrying, the after marriage restrictions will leave you agape. Going out with friends, travelling alone and for pleasure, do not take priority over slaving away for the in-laws, and the husband. There is a lot one isn’t allowed to do for themselves after getting married, so anyone telling you marriage is freedom; don’t believe them, it’s a trap.
In the end, all we can ask from anyone is to mind their own Ps and Qs, and try not to intervene in decisions like marrying someone or having kids. It is a matter solely between two people.