10 Things I Picked From My Feminist Professor I Wish I Hadn’t

Reluctantly so I took a Gender and Media course, ‘how bad could it be,’ I thought? The course was clearly premised on the ‘f’ word, and that put off all the ‘good and bad men’, after all, because the truth hurts right.

But, I was born into Toxic Masculinity, and NOTHING could have changed it. Here are some things I wish I didn’t know:

• It is not you, it is not your mother, or father, it is the bloody society.

You love too little? You love too much? You are completely dysfunct? Are you ashamed of being who you are, do you love Insta-Comparison-Porn, It’s all because of your relationship with your famjam and your childhood, which inherently was what it was because of the way norms and values in our society have taken a staunch shape over the years. 🙁

• Male lives matter too! 

Alright, my bad, horrible juxtaposition, but well, there are some men who cry real tough when feminists talk about issues that are predominantly female, or towards the other side of the spectrum. However, in principle feminism explore the nuances of gender as a social construction and the absurdities of associating power and acceptable behavior with every gender.

Not only do women get it hard but men also, sadly, they never find out that their value can not be reduced to the money they earn or mere centimeters.

• People will always fight back on what is good for them.

We can not blame people for not wanting the right thing or knowing the truth, especially because there isn’t just one. Our minds, in their default setting, are corrupted by the patriarchal debitage after all.

• Feminist talk is not about pinning men vs. women.

It is about All vs. Society. Also, when someone says mard is someone who.. it really means that ‘society only deems those mard who fit its moral and social compass by conforming like idiots’.

• It’s lazy to find excuses.

It is unfair to hide behind religion and to use it to mock things like equality and fairness.

• Rape is about power, NOT about uncontrollable sexual desire.

The victim does not cause rape. The attacker does. The attack does not happen because a rapist got frustrated sexually, but because of a need to exert power. Clothes, words, attitude, friendliness, underwears, flirt, nothing justifies rape.

• Alcohol is NOT consenting!

Thank God for this one! Someone’s choice to drink does not translate into their choice to do unwanted shit.

• Life is beyond straight lines and the gender binary. (Aur bhi dukh hein zamanay mein straight na honay ke siwa)

You don’t have to be gay/straight/bisexual, you could be anything or nothing.

#WhereAreAllTheGoodMenAt

• The Lovely Bollywood chase that the girl or boy doesn’t want is HARASSMENT.  

Also all the annoying DM sliders, unwanted Facebook requests, annoying Taxi drivers, flirty bosses and people who can’t handle their booze. And no, Kayseria, Harassment is not cool, it’s bad PR.

• Life’s too short for not picking your battles.

People sin differently. As long as the harm does not extend to a third party, person or state, nobody gets to be a moral high priest.

Somehow, Aimen managed to get us all aurat-mard-fluid-log together to see society’s tragedy that has been since time immemorial with every single gender in the world. Which was a little more for women, but, most for those we don’t count, identify, acknowledge and/or accept. Society can be very complicated and exhausting, Respect all.

Ignorance is bliss.