Type 1: Insecurity Based on Recent Failure or Rejection
Our lives incredibly influence both our state of mind and the manner in which we feel about ourselves. Research on happiness suggests that up to 40% of our “happiness quota” depends on ongoing life experiences. The greatest negative contributor to bliss is the ending of a relationship, trailed by the demise of a life partner, work, misfortune, and bad health. Since misery additionally impacts your confidence, disappointment and dismissal can convey a second punch to your confidence. Those of us who have lower self-esteem in the first place are more responsive to disappointment. Before becoming president, Abraham Lincoln lost his job, was defeated for nomination to Congress, and failed at least twice in Senate bids. Enduring regardless of misfortunes can prompt possible triumphs—which raise your confidence.
Below are some tools you can use to overcome failure- or rejection-based insecurity:
- Give yourself time to heal and adapt to the new normal.
- Get out and engage with life, following your interests and curiosity.
- Reach out to friends and family for distraction and comfort.
- Get feedback from people you trust.
- Persevere and keep moving towards your goals.
- Be willing to try a different strategy if necessary.
Type 2: Insecurity Driven by Perfectionism
A few of us have very high expectations for all that we do. You may want the best grades, a high paying job, the ideal figure, the most wonderful condo or house, flawless and perfect children, or the perfect accomplice. Sadly, life doesn’t generally turn out precisely the manner in which we need, regardless of whether we work even harder. There is a piece of the outcome that is at least to some degree out of our control. Bosses may be critical, jobs may be scarce, partners may resist commitment, or you may have genes that make it difficult to be skinny. If you are constantly disappointed and blaming yourself for being anything less than perfect, you will start to feel insecure and unworthy. While trying your best and working hard can give you an advantage, other aspects of perfectionism are unhealthy. Thumping on you and always agonizing over not being sufficient can prompt gloom and tension, dietary issues, or incessant weariness.
Below are some ways to combat perfectionism:
- Endeavor to assess yourself in light of how much exertion you put in, which is controllable, instead of on the result, which is reliant on outer elements.
- Consider how much difference it would really make if your work were 10 percent better. Would the time spent in checking and re-checking each email truly be worth it, despite all the trouble?
- Perfectionism is often based on all- or nothing thinking, so try to find the grey areas. Is there a more compassionate or understanding way to view a situation? Are you taking your circumstances into account when you evaluate yourself? Is there something you learned or accomplished regardless of whether the final product wasn’t great?
- Perfectionists often have conditional self-esteem: They like themselves when they are on top and dislike themselves when things don’t go their way.
Can you learn to like yourself even when you are not doing well? Focus on inner qualities like your character, sincerity, or good values, rather than just on what grades you get, how much you get paid, or how many people like you.