It requires skills to make a relationship work. These skills are as easy or as hard to learn as you make them. But, the truth is that not many people will understand. Or even know that yes, you get guide books to make it work and it’s not too much effort if you know what to do.
Things can be kept nontoxic even with the greatest amount of love, cuddles, and craze. And no, it does not come at a price. It comes with the will to want to do it.
You will not come across one person who says that they got it easy in love, they got what they wanted, they got it painlessly and it has been the same since. Nature has a way to make people earn the love they get, either retrospectively or in the future, but the pain is always brought along. However, this is one way of seeing it, and the truth is that we do not know how to love. We also do not know how to receive love, how to protect love and how to nurture it into something special.
By nature, we are inherently very greedy and very very obnoxious about all things love. Instead of learning how to set each other free in relationships, we set each other on fire, and if you look closely this is true for not only romantic relationships but also very basic ones like that of parents and children.
The complicated and overburdening lifestyle of today makes everything so doubtful, we confuse our feelings, we have lots and lots of passive anger held in our systems, that often explodes on those we love either in an ugly spilling over way or in a very pushing-everybody-away to protect your own walls kinda way.
So essentially, it is not your fault if you are creating pain for yourself and for those you love or care about.
Generally in the world, in a lot of places, couples take counseling sessions when they realize they are killing each other painfully, however they wish to save their love and fight for the ship and not in the ship.
People also take pre-marital education sessions, but yes, once you know who you are marrying, things are already set out, the rules are laid, the roles are decided the tonality of the relationship is decided, it is also a little too late for it to be improved or saved from failure.
In our culture, I have heard aunties and uncles say that well, its fate that marriages work out or fail. However, that, is essentially just pure bull shit, and no, people are not crazy who realise that sometimes relationships don’t work because simply one was not ready for it in terms of the mindset and the effort needed in the form of giving emotional attention, respect, protecting each other’s needs, as well as focusing on your own mental and emotional health.
The Internet has given us access to the worldly things, but we still spend time watching people vlog and reading memes, not doing what we can and that is position, screen, and address where we went wrong, and if we are damaged how to cure it. Because our society loves to blame women, men, fate, whereas sometimes the pain is a lot deeper like childhood scars, faulty upbringing, cases of molestation, abandonment, being labeled, being seen as a failure, or a slut, or a bad child or a bad person. It could be anything, and instead of staying in denial, we need to begin to scratch ourselves and deconstruct our minds to see what is really up.