Hearing this from your partner’s mouth can make you feel devastated at first.
People who suffer from anxiety for sure know how bad it can make you feel and to become the reason for someone’s anxiety, especially for the ones you love, can be much worse. However, in situations like these, it’s important not to take it personally.
Being the generation of the smartphone culture, we have learned to over analyze everything. From simple sentences t emojis, we question the way our partner is interacting with us unconsciously. It has so deeply been embedded in our brains that we do it without knowing and then spiral into a massive pool of thoughts, letting our anxiety reign over us.
But, thankfully, we all know that we aren’t alone in this. Many people go through the agony of over-examining tiny details. And, luckily there are scientific reasons to explain your behavior.
Attachment theory is based on the idea that humans have basic need to build close bonds with others and this is how our brain develops an attachment system. These influence our interactions with our romantic partners and the health of our relationship.
Why didn’t you text me back?
If you find yourself saying or wondering this often, then grab a seat because you might have an anxious attachment style.
You desire higher levels of intimacy and want to be connected to your partner more often. You want to tell them all that is happening in your life and want them to do the same. You are great at picking emotional cues and are incredibly empathetic. While all of this makes you a very loving and caring partner, you often become a slave to your own emotions at times. You find yourself overreacting and jumping to conclusions. This can turn even deadlier if you are someone who is bad at communicating what they feel.
Anxious individuals often find themselves feeling unwarranted jealousy, suppressing their own emotions for the sake of their partner, they have a habit of obsessing over their them and placing them on a pedestal. They think also think they have one shot at love; the now or never.
I need some time alone.
These lone wolves are categorized as avoidants. This attachment style lovers like their freedom and their alone time. Being around their partner all the time can be exhausting for them which can make them appear cold or distant. They don’t like to muddle themselves and their relationship together, for them these are two separate boxes.
Avoidant behavior often ends up sabotaging their relationship without understanding why. They can have a fear of commitment and keep unrealistically strong boundaries. Getting close to them can be a difficult task.
Best of both
Taking the middle road, these individuals have a secure attachment style. They try to keep the scales balanced. They are well… “secure” and grounded. They don’t run away if faced with a threat.
Some of these individuals often possess the “buffering effect” which can help an anxious individual develop a more secure attachment style. They can come off as boring but according to many, they make an ideal candidate for a healthy relationship.
Found yours? Tell us what attachment style are YOU.