This author might not be very good at math but there is one thing she does know for certain, love is not equal to abuse.
That is not to say that true, actual love doesn’t hit any rough patches, but if your partner or your friend has been constantly undermining your emotions by saying that their brand of love isn’t abuse but merely rough love; the kind that is prevalent in bad literature – it is time to start thinking about getting out of that relationship. Love isn’t meant to make you feel insecure or foolish, it isn’t meant to hurt your feelings almost every other day and it definitely doesn’t mean that you need to sacrifice everything in the name of love.
If your partner is starting to make demands, often harshly, as if you owe them your life and love, it’s time to start evaluating your decisions.
Here are a few things to keep in mind while you’re in the process of evaluating.
True love doesn’t involve emotional manipulation; if someone you love is trying to misuse your feelings for them and roping you into situations you’d rather stay out of, do not normalize this as some archaic form of love.
True love isn’t based on guilt, either. Guilt is a powerful emotion that has been misused by legions to ensure that other people succumb to their will, almost instantly. Don’t fall for it, it’s simply a tool for them and will leave you feeling unloved and unhappy in the end.
If your partner or friend physically hurts you, consider this a red flag and nothing else. If they rationalize this physical abuse as some warped sort of affection, please recognize this as a giant, blazing red flag. Don’t let them continuously hurt you that way, it’s not worth it.
Communication is the key to every relationship; if your partner does not effectively communicate with you and makes you feel as if this aspect of their personality is simply a quirk, please take it at its real value. Brooding, silent types are all good and well except for those who not only refuse to communicate with you but also put this forward as an idiosyncrasy, completely unapologetic, are the worst and should be avoided at all costs.
Emotional and physical abuse is never okay no matter what kind of relationship you have, simply since the trauma leaves you vulnerable and makes you cautious of every other relationship in your life, no matter how sweet or innocuous it is. If your love life is making you cry, it’s time to think about whether the other person actually deserves your love and affection.
The point of this write-up to remind you that no one has complete ownership over you except your own self. Do not let people trample all over you in the name of love, there are many things that are definitely not a part of love no matter what you’ve grown up thinking. Do not let people fool you around by manipulating your feelings or categorizing their love as rough or tough. If you don’t feel secure in your relationship, whether it be with a friend or your spouse, don’t hesitate to call out their toxic behaviors.
Better late than never!